Confession
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a difficult one for most of us. God love us! God knows what the challenges of human life are all about. We can think about the story of the Prodigal Son, the great insult and hurt the son inflicted on the father, and how the father welcomed him back, without even waiting for an apology.
God waits. He waits for our return. "But I haven't been to Confession for fifty years!" The response is simply ... "Welcome back! How good it is that you are here!"
How do I know if I'm ready?
Sometimes we are reluctant to go to Reconciliation because we're not sure what to do or what to say. How do we know that we're ready. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, three things are necessary ...
CONTRITION. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again. The reception of this sacrament ought to be prepared for by an examination of conscience made in the light of the Word of God. Click on the "examination of conscience" link here for one version based on the Ten Commandments.
CONFESSION OF SINS. The confession [or disclosure] of sins, even from a simply human point of view, frees us and facilitates our reconciliation with others. Through such an admission we squarely look at the sins we are responsible for, take responsibility for them, and therefore open ourselves again to God and to the communion of the Church in order to make a new future possible. Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance. "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession. According to the Church's command, "after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year."
SATISFACTION. Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm [[e.g. return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries." Simple justice requires as much. Raised up form sin, the sinner must still recover full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin. The person must "make satisfaction for" or "expiate" sins. This satisfaction is called "penance." It can consist of prayer, an offering, works of mercy, service of neighbor, voluntary self-denial or sacrifices.
What to say
The priest will greet you in the Reconciliation Room or Confessional. If you choose to meet him face to face, simply exchange a normal greeting ... good morning ... and shake his hand. He'll help you begin. You'll make the Sign of the Cross together. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Don't worry. The priest is there to help you! Just tell him you have been away for many years and need help.
Confess your sins
It could be that after the Sign of the Cross, the priest will simply be silent. Then you could confess your sins. You might mention how long it has been since your last Confession. Many of us are used to beginning by saying, "Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last Confession was ____ ago. These are my sins." If you're stumped by this time, chances are the priest will simply ask, "What are your sins."
Then tell him what your sins are. Remember, it is important to confess all serious sins. Reconciliation means that we're ready to let go of all sins too. It's the ones we hold back that sometimes make things more difficult for us. So, no matter how difficult it seems, mention them all.
Penance and Act of Contrition
The priest may then speak to you. He may try to help you to see the source of your sinful actions. Usually, we're sinful because we're selfish. He'll also assure you of God's love for you. He will then propose an act of penance which you accept to make satisfaction for sin and to amend your life.
He may then ask you to pray an act of contrition ... or of sorrow for your sin. It is just fine to pray a spontaneous prayer ... eg. "God, I'm sorry for my sins. Give me the strength I'll need to leave them behind and live a new kind of life." We may wish to pray the Act of Contrition we learned as a child. An example:
My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good
I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I
firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more,
and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us.
In his name, my God, have mercy.
[Another example] O my God, I have sinned through my own fault
In choosing to sin and failing to do good
I have sinned against you, whom I should love above all things.
I firmly intend, with the help of your son, to make up for my sins
and to love as I should. Amen.
Absolution
The priest will extend his hand toward you, or perhaps lay his hands
on your head as he prays the Church's prayer of absolution:
God, the Father of mercies,
through the death and resurrection of his Son
has reconciled the world to himself
and sent the Holy Spirit among us
for the forgiveness of sins;
through the ministry of the Church
may God give you pardon and peace,
and I absolve you from your sins
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, +
and of the Holy Spirit.
R/. Amen.
Dismissal
The priest may pray a short closing prayer with you. He may also simply say, Go in peace to love and serve the Lord. Your response can be very natural ... a simple Amen, or Thank You ... Have a good day. Then go to spend some time considering your Penance.
Summary of what you say
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Bless me Father for I have sinned, my
last Confession was ______ ago. These
are my sins. [Confess sins here]
Act of Contrition
O my God, I am heartily sorry
for having offended thee,
and I detest all my sins
because of thy just punishment,
but most of all because they
offend thee, my God
who art all good and deserving
of all my love. I firmly resolve
with the help of thy grace
to sin no more and to
avoid the near occasion of sin.
Amen.
Examination of Conscience
The First Commandment: I am the Lord your God; you shall not have strange gods before me.
Do we truly love God above all, or do we sometimes give greater importance to things of this world: money, image, looks, clothes, popularity or selfish desires?
Do we claim to have good values, but often bend or abandon them in order to fit in and be "part of the group?"
Do we turn to God in thankful prayer, or do we pray mostly when we want something?
Do we really want to be transformed by the will of God, or do we just use our religion in order to "look" like good Christian people?
The Second Commandment: You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain.
Do we show disrespect for God's name by misusing it out of frustration or anger or to look "tough" to others?
Do we hesitate to mention God's name in appropriate situations, in conversations with friends and family members?
Do we continue to learn about God by paying attention in Church, Religion Class and through reading the Times Review and paying attention to Catholic periodicals, articles on religion in the secular press and television programs?
The Third Commandment: Remember to keep holy the Lord's day.
Do we come to Church to celebrate the Eucharist on Sundays and Holy Days? Do we attend Mass only when it is convenient or when it will make us "feel good?"
Do we participate in the Eucharist by praying and singing, or do we simply sit as spectators and wait to be entertained?
Do we pay close attention to the Word of God and open ourselves to God's call to allow His word to take effect in our lives?
Do we acknowledge the "true presence" of Christ in the Eucharist and receive Holy Communion with respect and reverence?
The Fourth Commandment: Honor your father and your mother.
Do we help bring peace and happiness to our families, or are we disrespectful of others and a source of hurt and division for those who are closest to us?
As parents, are we generous and patient with our children? Do we spend time with them and give them the attention they need? Do we set responsible limits for them and make sure they follow rules that will help them grow into responsible adults?
Are we willing to say "no" to our children, or are we more likely to ignore problem behavior and hope it will "go away?"
Do we listen to our children carefully and treat them with respect?
As children, are we loving, respectful and obedient to our parents? Do we appreciate the many sacrifices they make for us? Do we say "Thank you" and "I love you" often enough?
Do we do our chores without being asked, or do we wait for our parents to become upset before we move away from what we are doing?
Do we listen to our parents' reasoning when they say "no" to us?
The Fifth Commandment: You shall not kill. * (see footnote)
Have we injured another person through carelessness or fighting?
Have we placed ourselves or others in danger because of reckless use of alcohol or other drugs? Have we caused difficulties for ourselves or others because of their use?
Have we risked our lives by driving or riding with someone under the influence alcohol or other drugs?
Do we strive to forgive those who have hurt us, or do we hold on to resentment and desire for revenge?
Do we use our powers of influence well, especially our voting rights, in order to fight war, oppression, abortion and injustice, or do we allow those evils to continue by our apathy and our silence?
Have we been violent or abusive either in action or in speech? Have we been verbally abusive to our children or other family members?
Do we share what we have with those in need? Do we support the life and mission of the Church by responsible stewardship - sharing our time, talent and treasure?
Do we bring our Christianity to every day situations, or do we stand on the sidelines and complain about every flaw we can detect in others?
The Sixth Commandment: You shall not commit adultery.
Do we respect the dignity of the human body and the holiness of Christian marriage? Do we show that respect in our speech, or are crude language and jokes often part of our conversations?
Do we understand and appreciate the gift of our sexuality as a means of expressing our love [and God's love] in the Sacrament of Marriage?
Have we been faithful to our marriage, priestly or religious vows? Do we keep our commitments simply because we said we would, or do we seek to nourish ourselves and others through our lifetime commitments?
Have we dishonored our bodies by fornication, impurity or unworthy conversation or thought leading to impure actions?
Have we encouraged others to sin by our failure to maintain good moral standards?
The Seventh Commandment: You shall not steal.
Do we respect the property of other people? Have we stolen, damaged or vandalized the property of others?
Have we cheated at work or in school? Have we encouraged others to sin by pressuring them into helping us cheat?
Are we honest and hardworking in school and at work?
Are we faithful to our promises? Can we be trusted?
The Eighth Commandment: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
Have we lied to stay out of trouble or to avoid a difficult situation?
Do we gossip about others? Have we damaged the reputation of another person by exaggeration or making up stories about them?
Can we be trusted with a secret?
Do we stand up for those unjustly accused, or are we merely a channel through which rumors pass, whether or not they are true?
The Ninth Commandment: You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
Have we weakened or damaged our marriage commitment through our obsession with another person?
Do we respect the commitments of others and help them remain faithful to their promises?
Do we treat our marriages casually in our conversations and attitudes? Have we said or done anything which made a mockery of our sacred promises?
The Tenth Commandment: You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.
Are we satisfied with what God has given us, or are we jealous of those who seem to have more?
Do we try to prove we are better than others by bragging or buying more things?
Do we appreciate our own good qualities, or do we constantly compare ourselves with others and become resentful or bitter?
Do we cope well with the problems that confront us and maintain our Christian hope in spite of hard times and difficulties?
Do we truly "seek first the Kingdom of God" in our lives and place our trust in Him?
Do we reflect the peace, hope and joy of a people redeemed and made holy by the Blood of Christ?
Footnote:
*The fifth commandment is where we deal with life issues. Having an abortion, procuring one, or assisting at one are grave matters. The wisdom of the Church has shown that many find it difficult to forgive themselves in these situations. Fathers of children who have been aborted seem to have as many difficulties as mothers. Most Dioceses provide means (in many places called "Project Rachel") to help them deal with the complicated issues involved so they can move on with their lives. After-abortion support is also available at: 1-800-401-6494. Know that you are very much in our prayers! Another grave fifth commandment issue involves supporting or helping to procure abortion, supporting euthanasia, etc. by talk, action, taking a person to procure an abortion, influencing legislation, directly or indirectly. Such things put our souls in grave danger. Those participating should not receive Communion until they've had a change of heart, confessed that sin and left it behind.